i feel like every young adult, and even teenager, should read this. it reminds me how all things boil down to how being human is not necessarily a ‘complex’ thing but rather a fluid experience - it’s a matter of adapting to those fluidities. brilliant!
this resonates, but I can't help but feel Dazed missed out by not fully attempting to highlight societal pressures shaping our relationships (of which the media is one route).
The push for intense, all-consuming friendships seems part of the larger trend where we're constantly urged to optimise our social circles for maximum impact or benefit, i.e. fetishization of social connections. We're increasingly judged not just on our own merits, but on the company we keep. This creates a pressure to curate our friendships strategically, which aligns with the overanalysis of relationships you mention.
Your point about the overuse of therapy-speak in friendships would make sense here. It seems we've taken useful tools for managing difficult relationships and misapplied them to all our social interactions, turning friendship into a kind of performance or strategic endeavor.
While you have embracing casual connections as a remedy, I think the challenge is larger than reframing our individual approach to friendships - it more requires pushing back against a culture that increasingly views all relationships through a lens of social capital and personal brand.
(and I think that might be a kind of impossible mission)
Being friends with someone because they will make you look good is no different to using them. Need I say it but using someone for your own benefit is hardly the foundation for a healthy relationship, however casual it may be.
I think lonliness among the younger generation has definitely contributed to the popularity of these all consuming/ "high stakes" friendships. Alot of people these days do not even have one close friend, so naturally having a bff kind of friendship has become aspirational for alot of people.
The majority of my friends are "casual" friends. I have people I'm much closer with, but life gets in the way and you can't always be with them, so it's great to have a variety of people in your circle. Plus, I'll always take up the opportunity to go on an adventure with someone I don't know so well, especially if they're from another country, because you just never know what kind of fun is waiting around the corner.
I really love this. Some of my deepest longterm friendships are with people I realistically only talk to a few times a year (but when we do, it is as if we’re just picking up where we left off).
Slight tangent, but very much related: There is also something to be said for the everyday interactions with friendly acquaintances (e.g. neighbors, barista at a regular coffee shop, etc.). They aren’t deep friendships, but it doesn’t mean they don’t matter. I’ve never particularly enjoyed small talk, but have come to realize that it’s a vital part of our social fabric—avoiding it altogether has real consequences for our communities and longterm wellbeing.
I have been thinking about this so much lately - in a society that doesn’t put community first, it doesn’t value the small and sometimes passing interactions you have with people and how valuable those can be. They only focus on the intense ranked best friends and then when everyone becomes more busy or moves to different life phases- everyone has an identity crisis because it doesn’t fit into that intense relationship anymore when in fact that is totally normal and just as valuable to still keep those people in your life rather than thinking you have lost something.
Eek. Guilty. If someone isnt "invested", (according to my definition, ohh my ego), why bother? This belief has been isolating, I think. Ohhh man. Maybe it comes from fear. Bah. Fuck fear.
I loved your take on the friends that are on the periphery and importance of the third degree connections. You verbalised something I'd been sitting on for months Great piece. :)
this article found me at the perfect time haha. being a first gen american living in modern america often leaves me feeling like a vulture, picking at the remains of culture. i feel a constant, all consuming need to have that perfect tight group of friends to make me feel balanced and grounded, it’s all just an effort to make me feel like i have a place in this world
i feel like every young adult, and even teenager, should read this. it reminds me how all things boil down to how being human is not necessarily a ‘complex’ thing but rather a fluid experience - it’s a matter of adapting to those fluidities. brilliant!
this resonates, but I can't help but feel Dazed missed out by not fully attempting to highlight societal pressures shaping our relationships (of which the media is one route).
The push for intense, all-consuming friendships seems part of the larger trend where we're constantly urged to optimise our social circles for maximum impact or benefit, i.e. fetishization of social connections. We're increasingly judged not just on our own merits, but on the company we keep. This creates a pressure to curate our friendships strategically, which aligns with the overanalysis of relationships you mention.
Your point about the overuse of therapy-speak in friendships would make sense here. It seems we've taken useful tools for managing difficult relationships and misapplied them to all our social interactions, turning friendship into a kind of performance or strategic endeavor.
While you have embracing casual connections as a remedy, I think the challenge is larger than reframing our individual approach to friendships - it more requires pushing back against a culture that increasingly views all relationships through a lens of social capital and personal brand.
(and I think that might be a kind of impossible mission)
Being friends with someone because they will make you look good is no different to using them. Need I say it but using someone for your own benefit is hardly the foundation for a healthy relationship, however casual it may be.
Loved this Maalvika. This helped me rethink friendship in more ways than one. There are so many beautiful ways to relate to each other.
Thank you for this!
I think lonliness among the younger generation has definitely contributed to the popularity of these all consuming/ "high stakes" friendships. Alot of people these days do not even have one close friend, so naturally having a bff kind of friendship has become aspirational for alot of people.
The majority of my friends are "casual" friends. I have people I'm much closer with, but life gets in the way and you can't always be with them, so it's great to have a variety of people in your circle. Plus, I'll always take up the opportunity to go on an adventure with someone I don't know so well, especially if they're from another country, because you just never know what kind of fun is waiting around the corner.
I really love this. Some of my deepest longterm friendships are with people I realistically only talk to a few times a year (but when we do, it is as if we’re just picking up where we left off).
Slight tangent, but very much related: There is also something to be said for the everyday interactions with friendly acquaintances (e.g. neighbors, barista at a regular coffee shop, etc.). They aren’t deep friendships, but it doesn’t mean they don’t matter. I’ve never particularly enjoyed small talk, but have come to realize that it’s a vital part of our social fabric—avoiding it altogether has real consequences for our communities and longterm wellbeing.
I love your perspective. Reading this opened my eyes to a new point of view, thank you :)
I have been thinking about this so much lately - in a society that doesn’t put community first, it doesn’t value the small and sometimes passing interactions you have with people and how valuable those can be. They only focus on the intense ranked best friends and then when everyone becomes more busy or moves to different life phases- everyone has an identity crisis because it doesn’t fit into that intense relationship anymore when in fact that is totally normal and just as valuable to still keep those people in your life rather than thinking you have lost something.
Eek. Guilty. If someone isnt "invested", (according to my definition, ohh my ego), why bother? This belief has been isolating, I think. Ohhh man. Maybe it comes from fear. Bah. Fuck fear.
this is so fucking good. thank you!!!!
ugh obsessed with you, thank you!!!
I loved your take on the friends that are on the periphery and importance of the third degree connections. You verbalised something I'd been sitting on for months Great piece. :)
this article found me at the perfect time haha. being a first gen american living in modern america often leaves me feeling like a vulture, picking at the remains of culture. i feel a constant, all consuming need to have that perfect tight group of friends to make me feel balanced and grounded, it’s all just an effort to make me feel like i have a place in this world
this topic has been gnawing at the inner debths of my soul thanks for sharing loved every second of this
So true
True.