I’ve got no words for how good this is, yet also how saddening. I think you’ve captured that internal struggle so beautifully, especially in today’s political and social landscape
Perfect amount of personal touch and cunning cut to the core of the problem. Thank you for distilling so much of this.
I often also grapple with the thought that motherhood is selfish, at this point, if the result is bringing a child into… all of this. Who is it really for? Not them, certainly.
I come back to the supreme need to kill the nuclear family. To make networks of mothers and rely on mutual aid. I still harbor my dream of motherhood, just think it will look awfully different than what I’ve seen before. If I have it my way, my children will have many parents, not just Mom and Dad ❤️ here’s to hoping!
This was an excellent read. It's inspirational how you distilled the imbalance between society's treatment of new fathers vs mothers, and the crushing weight that comes with motherhood.
I see the dissolving of communities and propagations of nuclear families to contribute to it. As the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a child". And nowadays the parents are expected to be the whole village.
Also, we came overboard with chikdprotection. From barely existing it became draconic. In my country a child under 14 can't be alone at home. When i was growing up, i went alone home and waited a few hours for parents to come home when i was 8 years old. And now there are stories of a mother being handcuffed because she allowed her 10 years old child to go alone a mile to go to a friends house.
Parents are now expected to be helicopter parents. And this does not give parents time to recharge. While in the olden days children were booted outside to entertain themselves and be a bit independent, whike the parents were taking a breather.
yes!!! systemic problems must be attacked with systemic solutions and individual optimization can only get you so far without environmental changes -- absolutely love this maal thank you, as always, for your thought-provoking words
thank you so much for writing this piece!! i’m hoping to specialize in perinatal psychology in grad school and address many of these issues and you highlighted each of them so well with such a beautiful writing style💌
I could feel your frustration in this one - thank you for not watering your voice down. This was a beautiful blend of rage and raw facts.
My partner and I have several harrowing conversations around motherhood and childbirth and we’re generally leaning towards a no. While I support the brave decision to be a mother *in this economy*, it’s interesting to hear you say that you’d /still/ want to be a mother. I’d love to hear more about that and where you find that bravery (in all honesty/curiosity, not mocking).
you beautifully articulated exactly what i have been feeling. i wish i could plan to become a mother without having to take into account sacrificing my career.
Wow, this is just so well written and expressed. Your use of the phrase "inadequate ambition" is so apt. Despite it being the most miraculous and difficult task in the world, we still feel that growing and raising children is just not quite enough. I feel that.
"Recent research shows that new mothers face a staggering 51% drop in pay (around $8,000 annually) while fathers' earnings remain unchanged."
Babies don't come for free. This is why (insert creator of your choice) created humans in two halves (male/ female) so that the mother could give birth and breastfeed while the father could continue to hunts, fell trees, repair the roof, defend the village from wolves or bandits.
Feminism defines women as single operational units, rather than one half of a greater whole. Only through a feminist lens is the situation unfair. Through the lens of biology/ common sense/ not hating men it is a privilege and a joy to be supported by your partner and the father of your children.
Before feminism even a blue collar worker could support an entire family on his wage alone. It was feminism which devalued the workforce and lowered wages, while raising taxes and expanding the predations of the state.
The loss of income for a woman having a baby is only 'unfair' if you define women as the same as men, with both sexes engaged in a battle to achieve success as a man and on men's terms (AKA 'empowered woman'). This is how feminism defines women. The feminist lens is a satanic lens (ie an inversion of reality).
A lot of points that add up to very little. Like “51% drop in earnings averaging $8,000 annually”. Say what? Clicking through to the Fortune article revealed those numbers to be from a study of unemployment insurance recipients. How is that relevant to working mothers? Also, how do you explain that Scandinavia, your purported paradise of parenting, has a significantly lower fertility rate than the terrible, horrible United States? A number of my ordinary, middle class American friends have had kids recently and none of them let the lack of motherhood friendly policies stop them. If you think the lack of a year’s paid maternity leave or a Finnish baby box is why you’re not having a child, you’re deluding yourself.
She measures success in motherhood by the employment rate of mothers and earnings…so by how much they’re not being mothers. Which is bizarre. I think it’s just immaturity as most of the arguments don’t survive contact with reality.
I’ve got no words for how good this is, yet also how saddening. I think you’ve captured that internal struggle so beautifully, especially in today’s political and social landscape
Perfect amount of personal touch and cunning cut to the core of the problem. Thank you for distilling so much of this.
I often also grapple with the thought that motherhood is selfish, at this point, if the result is bringing a child into… all of this. Who is it really for? Not them, certainly.
I come back to the supreme need to kill the nuclear family. To make networks of mothers and rely on mutual aid. I still harbor my dream of motherhood, just think it will look awfully different than what I’ve seen before. If I have it my way, my children will have many parents, not just Mom and Dad ❤️ here’s to hoping!
This was an excellent read. It's inspirational how you distilled the imbalance between society's treatment of new fathers vs mothers, and the crushing weight that comes with motherhood.
The point about making an excellent father - AMEN. so well said!
I see the dissolving of communities and propagations of nuclear families to contribute to it. As the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a child". And nowadays the parents are expected to be the whole village.
Also, we came overboard with chikdprotection. From barely existing it became draconic. In my country a child under 14 can't be alone at home. When i was growing up, i went alone home and waited a few hours for parents to come home when i was 8 years old. And now there are stories of a mother being handcuffed because she allowed her 10 years old child to go alone a mile to go to a friends house.
Parents are now expected to be helicopter parents. And this does not give parents time to recharge. While in the olden days children were booted outside to entertain themselves and be a bit independent, whike the parents were taking a breather.
i’ve spent about three hours today reading the pieces you’ve published on here and over and over again i’m left thinking that u are BRILLIANT
wow thank u for being here :,) i appreciate it so much seriously
yes!!! systemic problems must be attacked with systemic solutions and individual optimization can only get you so far without environmental changes -- absolutely love this maal thank you, as always, for your thought-provoking words
thank you so much for writing this piece!! i’m hoping to specialize in perinatal psychology in grad school and address many of these issues and you highlighted each of them so well with such a beautiful writing style💌
I could feel your frustration in this one - thank you for not watering your voice down. This was a beautiful blend of rage and raw facts.
My partner and I have several harrowing conversations around motherhood and childbirth and we’re generally leaning towards a no. While I support the brave decision to be a mother *in this economy*, it’s interesting to hear you say that you’d /still/ want to be a mother. I’d love to hear more about that and where you find that bravery (in all honesty/curiosity, not mocking).
you beautifully articulated exactly what i have been feeling. i wish i could plan to become a mother without having to take into account sacrificing my career.
Wow, this is just so well written and expressed. Your use of the phrase "inadequate ambition" is so apt. Despite it being the most miraculous and difficult task in the world, we still feel that growing and raising children is just not quite enough. I feel that.
Thank you for writing this so impact-fully and articulately!
"Recent research shows that new mothers face a staggering 51% drop in pay (around $8,000 annually) while fathers' earnings remain unchanged."
Babies don't come for free. This is why (insert creator of your choice) created humans in two halves (male/ female) so that the mother could give birth and breastfeed while the father could continue to hunts, fell trees, repair the roof, defend the village from wolves or bandits.
Feminism defines women as single operational units, rather than one half of a greater whole. Only through a feminist lens is the situation unfair. Through the lens of biology/ common sense/ not hating men it is a privilege and a joy to be supported by your partner and the father of your children.
Before feminism even a blue collar worker could support an entire family on his wage alone. It was feminism which devalued the workforce and lowered wages, while raising taxes and expanding the predations of the state.
The loss of income for a woman having a baby is only 'unfair' if you define women as the same as men, with both sexes engaged in a battle to achieve success as a man and on men's terms (AKA 'empowered woman'). This is how feminism defines women. The feminist lens is a satanic lens (ie an inversion of reality).
this rings so close to heart, thank you for such a beautiful reflection!!!!
A lot of points that add up to very little. Like “51% drop in earnings averaging $8,000 annually”. Say what? Clicking through to the Fortune article revealed those numbers to be from a study of unemployment insurance recipients. How is that relevant to working mothers? Also, how do you explain that Scandinavia, your purported paradise of parenting, has a significantly lower fertility rate than the terrible, horrible United States? A number of my ordinary, middle class American friends have had kids recently and none of them let the lack of motherhood friendly policies stop them. If you think the lack of a year’s paid maternity leave or a Finnish baby box is why you’re not having a child, you’re deluding yourself.
Great points.
She measures success in motherhood by the employment rate of mothers and earnings…so by how much they’re not being mothers. Which is bizarre. I think it’s just immaturity as most of the arguments don’t survive contact with reality.
And yet, why is this only a 'woman's issue / problem" that women are thinking about more...? Wish the policies and systems were better. Great writing.